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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Do the funky chicken...

Don't ask... I have no idea why I chose that title. :)

Last weekend was relaxing.... nothing to do and I did, well, nothing. I finally caught up on some much needed sleep, and started a few charity projects. But damn, I was bored with nothing requiring my attention or time! Needless to say, I was actually excited to be going to work on Monday, just for the sheer joy of having something to do. (Yes, I know it's pathetic, but there it is) LOL

Honestly, I enjoy my work. I ran a study on Monday that went well, and the data I collected seems promising. The real shocker was yesterday... we got the results from the plasma assay and it looks like we may have a very exciting compound! I'm doing a duration study this afternoon and tomorrow morning on that compound, hence the reason I don't have to go into work until about noon today. I have to dose this evening around 6:30 PM, and then when I go into work tomorrow, I challenge at 6:30 AM.... all in all, a rather long, drawn out study, but well worth it. This will tell us if the compound has any kind of lasting effect... and we're hoping it does. This Saturday will also mark the beginning of my weekend morning dosing (along with the others in my department). Thankfully, I still have off this Sunday so I can attend Mourn's masked gather on Saturday night! Whooo Hoooo! I'll be arriving early to her home so I can help her set up and get everything organized for the event (and because I'm such a lame-ass, it's an opportunity to let me get there in daylight so I don't get lost). :) The following Saturday, I'll be at Kath's Halloween party... that is, if she ever sends me directions to her home...grin... hint, hint... nudge, nudge... HEY YOU! *wink*

The past two days have been kind of a "funk" for me. I've been missing my friends, feeling a little lonely, and trying to convince myself that it's all good... that it's okay to NOT have anyone "special" in my life. Of course, after my PARF adventures, I remember EXACTLY why I chose to focus on my career, and NOT a "relationship". *laugh* Thank the Goddess for smacking me upside the head with that reminder! Nonetheless, I AM feeling a little lonely of late... I honestly think it's being triggered by two things... one, the weather... it's getting colder and the days are getting shorter, and my inner Bear totem is telling me it's time to start thinking of hibernation. Yes, I'm a winter hibernator, though I'm trying desperately NOT to be one this year. The second thing that I think is triggering my "lonely" feeling is... funny enough... the new phone/plan I switched to. Yes!, really, I think that has something to do with it too! I'm realizing that I have a new plan, with alot more minutes, a new phone that's cool and has assigned ringtones and everything, and not alot of calls have been coming in. *pout* It's just one more reminder that I'm lonely for company/companionship. Okay, time to get out of the funk, at least in my posting *grin*.

I DID get a call from a wonderful guy that I met at faire this season... Jade! Spoke to him for a little while on the phone last night and we both promised to get together soon for coffee. Goddess, he has an absolutely wonderful energy that I love to be in the presence of... very calming and focused. I'm surprised to find that in a Scorpio, but being a Pisces myself, it's only natural that I'm drawn to energy like that. I can't wait to speak with him about his beliefs and practices... should be an interesting experience. :)

Mom's doing wonderfully. The sutures are out, and the scar is actually looking really good, considering. It's still a bit painful for her, and she still has to keep applying the antibiotic ointment, but it's really closing up nicely. She has to go back in three weeks to have it looked at by the plastic surgeon, and we'll see after that. She's, unfortunately, not been able to take her Ibuprofen because it's a blood thinner (blood thinner + surgery = bad idea), so she's been trying to deal with the pain of her arthritis with Tylenol... it's not really effective. So, she's been in a lot of pain since the start of this whole cancer thing. Thankfully, if the doctor says it's okay, she can go back on the Ibuprofen in another week.

Dad is doing okay, though his getting fatigued easily still concerns me. He has an appointment with a dermatologist soon to check out his skin (remember I convinced him to get it checked out when we found out about Mom's Basil Cell Carcinoma), and I can't believe that he's actually going to go! I'm hoping that it's nothing... that it will only be some silly skin discolorations and that will be that. He's still feeling the "depression episodes" after his heart attacks, and this would just be one more thing to send him into another funk. He's never really dealt with his heart attack(s) depression, so it lingers every now and then. All in all, his spirits right now are good, and I'm hoping that they stay that way.

I've completed about 5 scarves and 3 hats for my winter donations to Standing Rock Reservation. I've also finished 1 shawl for them, as well as a "capelet" shawl I designed. I'm still waiting to hear from anyone that has a special Yule request for a donated item made in their name, so if you'd like one made... just post a request here. :) I'm also putting out the word to any Ren-Faire Knitters out there... let's get a Ren-Knit donation together! I think it'd be fun, and there are organizations that could really use the donations. So pass the word around and let's see if we can't get a bunch of us wenches (and yes, rogues) to make up a donation box of hand-knit/crocheted items to give to charity. Hey, if nothing else, it's something to do over the winter months! So, if you're interested, post a reply and I'll organize it!

I haven't had much of an opportunity to bring my drum up to the mountain and meditate for the last few days. Aside from being busy at work, the weather hasn't really been cooperating either. It's either been too cold, too wet, or just plain icky. Ah well, guess I'll have to revert to the old standby regime of quiet time meditation. Unfortunately, I live in a rather conservative area, so not many people around here do that sort of thing. *pout*

Well, that's about it for now. I'm still trying to sort out the different poems floating around in my head, so I'll post another as soon as it organizes itself down on paper. :) By the way, please feel free to constructively critisize any of my work... I appreciate the input, and at the very least, it lets me know that you guys are reading it! *grin* Oh, and one last thing... I've officially lost 35 pounds to date! Wait until faire next year... you won't recognize me! Oh, wait... damn, that means buying all new garb... *sigh*... oh well, some things can't be helped, I guess.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Some days really ARE diamonds....

Though the beginning of this week started off slow (and sleepy) for me, the end of it sure made up for it.

First... I'VE GOT MY NEW PHONE! Yayyyy, me! I'm lovin' it, especially the reception... I can even talk to people from my home now! Of course, the first thing I did was to download a wolf graphic as my wallpaper... well... did you expect anything less? *grin* I even called home when I was 5 minutes away, just so I could talk to mom on.... get this... SPEAKER-PHONE! I'm such a geek. *giggle* So give me a call so I can hear my new ringtones!

Second, today I arranged to have off the next two Sundays, so I can party with Mourn on the 23rd, and Kath on the 30th... at least, I HOPE I've gotten the dates right. I'll still have to go in those mornings, but I WON'T have to leave the parties early, I CAN drink (if there are places to crash overnight), and I WILL be sleeping for a good portion of the next day once I get back home!

Work is going excellently, and I really, REALLY am looking forward to them offering me a full-time, permanent postion. It would be awesome! I'm learning more than I ever dreamed, and I'm able to bring some of my own knowledge and experience to the table as well. I'm now fully in charge of all the intra-tracheal studies, as well as half of the orally dosed studies. The weekend work that I will be doing (as overtime... which rocks) will be helping out yet another project... so they're utilizing my skills/knowledge everywhere! It's great! The only downside (though not related directly to the company) is that, as I'm still a temp, I'm still not eligible for 1) the company's health benefits (which would be a minimal cost as to what I'm paying for private insurance right now), 2) company holidays/time off... though I'll get paid through the placement agency for Thanksgiving... the company is closed that Friday... so, no pay for me on that day... bummer. I also won't be getting paid for Christmas or New Year's, because they fall on a Saturday (and I don't normally work Saturdays). I'm definitely going to have to talk to my placement agency about their holiday pay policies... that sucks! About the only "benefit" I really get is that if I work over 40 hours a week, I get time and a half overtime pay. That's the ONLY "benefit" to being a temp with this particular placement agency. Ah well, I'll just have to make sure that I excel so much that the company I'm working with decides they can't do without me. *grin*

Mom is doing WONDERFULLY! She went to the doctor today and he removed the sutures... it looks so good, considering. He was SHOCKED that she doesn't have even a miniscule sign of bruising... no black eye what-so-ever! He's amazed! Mom just casually mentioned that it's her "good German stock" origins that had something to do with it. *laugh* She's such a wisenheimer. It really does look good, and it's healing nicely. The doctor told her and dad to expect that the bright red coloring will change to pink, and eventually lighten up, but it will take anywhere from 3-6 months. I'm thinking (knowing my family's history), that it's going to be closer to a year before it's gone as much as it will go. Either way, mom is doing great, her spirits are high, and she's really happy to have those itchy sutures out.

I really over-extended myself this past faire season (including PARF), in terms of finances. As it is, I had to wait for my direct deposit today so I could mail out the bills the checks were already written for. Next week will be similar, but after that I should be back to making more than the minimum payments. I thank the gods every day I'm employed, and hey, one word... OVERTIME! *chuckle*

Speaking of PARF... there is only one word to describe it.... BEAUTIFUL! What an amazing faire! I was amazed at how it was laid out... like a town... and so clean! I met some really great people who I hope to see again next year, flirted with some very handsome rogues, and hell, I partied with the RAM! There was a little tension/drama that I was directly involved in over my weekend at PARF, but for the most part, I can honestly say that I had the time of my life and hope to go back!

Anyhow, that's my week (and an update) in a nutshell. This weekend I'm looking forward to doing nothing more than laundry (hey, it's piling up again), sleeping, relaxing, and perhaps I feel another poem or two coming on. I'll also be working on my knitting donations, as well as some choice gifts for some of my friends. *wink*

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Poem - The Grave Within

The Grave Within

Seek, with howling silence,
your own name upon the Grave...
For you are buried there,
beneath the pine's hollow heartwood.

The dark decay of your indifference
seeps back upon your corpse,
clinging casually to dried lips
brittle with silence.

Your sweet whispered breath
has turned stale within your mouth;
crowding among honeyed words
that rot upon deaf ears.

Wrapped tightly in your own tangled web,
you lie with weighted imobility;
the cold crying mist
shrouding the ruptured earth above you.

And here you now reside for eternity,
buried beneath your choiced plot,
unremarked and unremembered,
with no reprieve from the Grave Within.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Tired, but satisfied

Okay, get your minds out of the gutter! Not THAT kind of satisfied, silly.

This week was extremely busy for me at work. I ran three seperate studies, and today I get to run the ELISA's (assays) for those three studies. Some surprising results with the compounds, which are all positive. I've been putting in approximately 10-11 hour days for the last three days, and today will probably be about 9 hours or so. The good news is that this lets me either take off early Friday, or better yet, get the day off.

I am excited about Friday... I get to drive over to Aries' home and we leave for Penn-Renn! Whooo Hoooo... another renaissance faire! Of course, I also get to meet up with a very sexy and handsome rogue for the weekend, which is a plus as well! Partying with the Ram.... how can anyone go wrong with that?! And to top it off.. the faire is just across the street from where we'll be staying... convienent to those of us who will probably be too toasted to navigate a car. It's going to be one hell of a party weekend!

The only mild downer about this weekend is that mom will be going for her surgery this Friday (her birthday). When I realized that I had scheduled myself to leave the same day as her surgery, and offered to cancel the trip, she emphatically told me "NO" (long "discussion" resulted in my going... yep, lost the fight to the excited German mother). But, I'll be calling her all weekend, just to make sure she's all right. Dad's going to be with her all day during the surgery, and quite frankly, the doctor would prefer NOT to have a parade of people in his office. Her spirits are relatively high, though she's still a little trepidatious about how she's going to look afterwards, and whether it's more invasive than what is guessed at at this point. I'm a little concerned that if she winds up having to go into the hospital (if it turns out to be more invasive), dad's going to go stir crazy at home. This would be the first time that HE has had to wait at home while SHE is (possibly) in the hospital. WE had to do this three times for dad already with his heart attacks, but he's never had to be the one sitting at home waiting. Either way, I'm going to be a little unfocused this weekend, but hopefully with the crowd I'm hanging out with, they'll take me under their wing(s), get me stinking drunk, and understand when I go off in my own mind for a little while. (Aries... note the "get me stinking drunk" part! *wink*)

I have a new phone and a new wireless service!!!!! I can actually make and HEAR a call from my home now, as well as from anywhere else I try to use it! Yayyyyy, me. I've finally ditched AT&T (little shits) and am now a Verizon customer. And, according to some friends from faire... I'll be able to get service at the Tux and at NYRF to boot! The number's still the same, folks... yep, I ported over my number... not mass mailings for new info... so go ahead and call me already! *laugh*

My creative side is kicking in again, and I'm so happy to be writing. Though I'm still trying to find time between work, home, etc, it's flowing a little more easily now. It amazes me how creativity can become stagnant when it's not constantly utilized. Thank the gods that it's still inherent within me.

I've also started knitting/crocheting for my winter-time donations. In case you don't know, every winter I make articles of clothing (hats, scarves, mittens, shawls, blankets, etc) to donate to charities across the US. I donate to Native American Reservation Families in ND, as well as nursing homes within my area, children's wards in hospitals (cancer caps), and of course, animal shelters in NYC, as well as nearer to home. I've decided that, since money is still a little "tight", and since I'd really like to get each of my wonderful friends a gift (but can't really afford that plan), that anyone of you who is willing to accept a donation in your name, post your preferred request (where you'd like the donation sent) here, and that will be your Yule gift. I will include your name (you can opt NOT to have it included) as the person who requested that particular donation be made, on the tags I enclose with all my donations.

Simply let me know the following:

1. Do you wish your name to be included?
2. What type of item(s) (yes, you can request more than one) would you like made? (hat, scarf, mittens, shawl, lap robe, critter blanket)
3. Would you like the donation to be made for a child or an adult?
4. And pick one of the following places to donate to:

- animal shelter (critter blankets)
- children's cancer ward (children)
- Native American Reservation (adult and children)
- nursing home (adult)

I will happily post updates when these items have been sent, and who requested them (if you'd like).

Well, it's time for work, so I'll sign off for now.... updates to follow. :)

Monday, October 04, 2004


The Wolf Within

Tread carefully, stranger,
for you stumble clumsily along
where the wolf walks at night.

Lest you trip and prat yourself
upon the very earth that gives birth to me,
scuttle back to your safe beginnings.

Beware the twisting turns of this ill-chosen path,
for I lie in wait upon the dank rich dirt,
ready to pounce upon your unjust course.

Stalking from the shadows, I watch you,
with eyes of tarnished copper,
flecked with morning's birth,
and ringed in night's shadowed death.

As you journey further into my domain,
pushing, beyond tolerance, my generous absolution,
I caution you with a silent snarl.

Take heed! For you are being
weighed and measured by MY rules now...
and will be found wanting.

I will churn the crimson storms
and riot the thunderous rage
against the onslaught of your perpetual discourse.

I will lay open, with visceral intent,
the putrid parts you try so despreately to shield.

I will lap up and feast upon your life's water,
consuming it as meat upon the prowl.

I will open the gates to the primal power
that is my birthright...
And I will destroy you.

For once I am unleashed from the
harnessed tolerance of my shell,
I will not... CAN not... cease
until you are but a dimming stain of memory.

Friday, October 01, 2004

Much ado about everything :)

This week has been a rough one (see previous migraine post) but thank the Goddess it's finally over! I felt much better yesterday, and today I feel awesome!

The study that I ran Wednesday (not the one I messed up) also showed some surprising results. So much so, that by 10 a.m. on Thursday, a parade of higher-ups had been traipsing through my supervisor's office asking about the data! Keep in mind, that I had only gotten in around 8 a.m. that morning... TWO HOURS... damn, does news spread fast when it's good. So, next week, I'm in charge of running another study specifically on that compound. It's going to be long, arduous, but damn, if it won't be worth it. I'm hoping that the results I get are just as great.

I'm getting my hair cut later tonight... it's grown like vines over the faire season, and needs a trim desperately. Don't worry, it won't be super-short... just try and remember what I looked like at the beginning of faire. *wink* Considering who I'm going to be seeing in the not-so-distant future (next weekend, in fact *wink*), I'm hoping that he'll still have enough to "grab onto". (just kidding, it's not going to be that shorty, really!) I think I'll also have my eyebrows waxed at the same time.

I'm actually looking forward to NOT having anything to do this weekend... well... at least not getting ready to go anywhere. I have a pile of laundry that desperately needs attending, not to mention a car that needs cleaned inside and out, faire gear that needs to be packed away *sigh*, other faire gear that needs to be packed for next weekend, and assorted chores that I've been putting off for way to long. But still, I am going to miss seeing alot of my farther-than-travel-permits friends this weekend. Ah well, there's still next year, and the year after that (ad nauseum). :) I'm happy to say, however, that it doesn't look like I'll be hibernating this winter (as if you'd all let me get away with that again)... I've already got a party to attend for Samhain (whooo hooo Mourn), another party to attend in November, and who knows what else is in the wings.

Hmmmm, I wonder if we could collaborate and get a January Rennie party going at the Tux? Might be fun... drinking, carousing, merry-making... worth considering.

Ah well, it's time to snark down some food (I'm hungry, damn it), and then off to get the tresses chopped. I'll post more later, but for now... "Damn the torpedos.... full steam ahead!" Yeah, I'm in a weird mood, but a good one!